i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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