matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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