Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
