just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
