Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
