You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
