I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
