Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
