his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
