the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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