Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
