Apparently you make a good broom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
