How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
