im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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