yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
