watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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