flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
