I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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