She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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