so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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