just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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