dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
