U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
