Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
