FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
