so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
