I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
