How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
