so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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