Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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