I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have already put on my inside pants.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
