I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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