She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
