I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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