Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
