6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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