2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize