Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
