we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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