That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
