Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
