i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
