I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
