He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
