he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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