I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
