I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
