see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
