When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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