You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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