SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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