My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
