i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
