I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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