imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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