Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
