Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
