the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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