new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
