cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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