god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
