It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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