drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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