in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
