we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
