i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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