How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
