Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
where does the pee come out of this thing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
