We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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