Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
