I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
