when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
